baseball

Now that the NBA playoffs are over, unless Kobe Bryant gets a hangnail, let's talk about some baseball.

I represent the St. Louis Cardinals, and Hernandez represents the New York Mets. Which is a pure coincidence, given that Keith Hernandez was probably the only player to win a World Series ring with both franchises (the KH intern is out getting me pizza and blowjobs).

In 1985, umpire Don Denkinger cost the St. Louis Cardinals the World Series. One year later, Bob Stanley's wild pitch and Billy Buckner's itchy taint gave the New York Mets one of theirs. Back in the '80s, the Cards and the Mets had a *huge* rivalry. (Mostly because the Cards' true rival, the Chicago Cubs, usually sucked, so it was like calling the Goth college kid on the sidewalk outside your house competition.)

In the mid '90s St. Louis and New York got split into different divisons, and the rivalry died down. A few years later I moved to New York, and carried my animosity for the Mets. When the Yankees won in 1996, I was actually quite happy. My ex-wife and I headed out to the streets, looking for a place to grab a drink with happy New Yorkers. We went to the closest bar in our 'hood, a gay bar. Not a gay bar, but a Police Academy gay bar. Everyone was old, and dressed funny.

The bouncer opened the door, and we saw them celebrating the Yankees win inside, and we made our case. But try as we might, we had no luck. They wouldn't let the woman inside.

Years later, I discovered that my ex-wife fucked every man in that bar. But I digress.

I lost touch with my team in the late 1990s. And the Yankees became a self-parody of their already-bloated, egotistical selves. The Mets acquired Mike Piazza and Edgardo Alfonso, who were impossible to root against, and my NY allegiances started shifting back to the Mets.

Until 2006, when a mediocre Cardinals team got hot at the right time, and faced off against a superior Mets team, playing a fantastic 7-game series capped off by one of the best playoff games I've ever seen.

Right now the Cards are playing out of their heads and the Mets are underachieving. But I'm pulling for those Mets. The bias is gone.

Also, I bet an annoying Yankees fan earlier this season that the Mets would finish with a better record than the Yankees. Let's go Mets!