Poor little Tiger Woods is out for the rest of the PGA season because of knee surgery. We're supposed to believe he has a torn ACL in his knee, which he supposedly suffered last year, and not one, but TWO fractures to his tibia supposedly suffered last month. But somehow he managed to gut out a classic, nearly superhuman victory in the U.S. Open.
Bull fucking shit.
Do he and his corporate pimps really think we're that stupid? (Don't answer that.) You couldn't walk with those injuries, let alone play golf competently.
But I guess it's working because all I hear about is how sad it is he won't be able to compete again this year, and how amazing it was for him to have won a tournament while enduring such horrific pain. Gosh, he's almost as brave as the soldiers in the Middle East. Lawdy Miss Clawdy - Tiger's done gone and given me the vapors again!
This whole story is a cover for the fact that random steroid testing in golf goes into effect, when exactly? Let me look it up. Oh right, it's supposed to go into effect NEXT MONTH! How convenient that Tiger won't be around to take those tests. Wake up suckers. Your hero is a pathetic, lying juicer.
It's as plain as day. He has roid rage on the course, he still has acne, and while everyone loves to do body comparison shots of young, skinny Barry Bonds with old, juiced up Barry Bonds - with good reason - has anyone besides me noticed how huge Tiger is now compared to a few years ago? It's amazing how much bigger he's gotten. I'm sure he has shrunken testicles too, as evidenced by the fact that he pays a Swedish swimsuit model to be his beard. Overcompensating much?
So yeah, remember where you first heard this when the shitstorm finally rains down.
One last thing: Fake knee injury or not, what the fuck is so impressive about Tiger's win this week? He needed to pull a series of miracle shots out of his ass on the last day of the tournament, plus an extra 19 holes to put away a never-was like Rocco Mediate. Doesn't that make the win LESS impressive? Rocco is ranked No. 135 in the world, has never won a major, and at age 45 would have been the oldest U.S. Open champion ever. If that bucktoothed pillow biter can't beat a guy like that he needs to find a better dealer.
All Arnold Palmer ever needed to dominate was beer and cigarettes, both of which he consumed while he was on the course. What's Tiger's excuse?
4 comments:
I'm certainly willing to buy your supposition, but it doesn't make his performance any less impressive than any other in it's class: bowling, darts, and billiards.
First off, if you buy that he's on steroids, then why would his performance still be impressive?
Secondly, the point isn't how good a golfer Tiger is. He's unquestionably amazing. But like Kobe Bryant, he's a contemptable, loathsome human being. So fuck him.
Ah, old Web rumors being spiffied up for new loser consumption. No dice, poncho. Tiger's got real wood.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=tiger+woods%2C+steroids&btnG=Google+Search
DM obviously has real wood for Tiger. Luckily for you, I hear he's a bottom.
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