LAKERS VS CELTICS, GAME 5, Q2

End of first quarter: Lakers 39, Celtics 22.

Ok, there's no conspiracy. The Celtics just didn't show up. They're confident they're going to win at home in Game 6. Big mistake -- Boston has terrible tacos. Everyone eats burritos and think they're the shit. Uh--I got news for you guys...

(I ended up going with Tex-Mex - three Guaco Locos, one with chipotle chicken, two with pork pipian. If you come within 50 feet of me tomorrow, you've been warned.)

9:40. Doc Rivers is interviewed. He sounded really proud of his team's 22 point effort in the 1st quarter, despite getting pantsed by the Lakers. I should really skip the rest of this game. But that would mean...wait, don't go! You can have some of my tacos! That's it, amigo. Te quiero.

9:44. Celtics within 15. And Luke Walton is the white Rick Fox. Only one person will get that.

9:47. Phil Jackson puts in Chris Mihm, who hasn't played in weeks. For the Celtics, this is like being picked last at kickball, right after the kid in the wheelchair (Chris Mihm) who's popular because half the varsity basketball team is banging his hot trashy older sister. Phil Jackson is a prick. Let's go Celtics.

9:51. YES!

I got my tacos! I'll be back...

9:56. Kevin Garnett got charged with a bullshit foul, and Coach Van Gundy has been drinking the kool-aid. There was NO contact. Garnett goes to the bench with his third foul.

But the Celtics are fighting back -- Tony Allen, Pierce from 3 -- YES! these tacos are delicious! The guacamole makes the interior corn tortilla a little soggy, but the contrast between the yellow corn and the exterior white corn, with the guacamole buffer--it's the stuff of angels. I wouldn't lie to you.

10:03 p.m. God damn Sam Cassell. He couldn't hit a shot if it was in a shot glass stuffed between his stepdaughter's tits. Absolutely worthless.*

10:08. *Since I wrote this, the Celtics are sucking and back down 9. Sam, I apologize. You're a good Christian. Can I offer your sexy stepdaughter a frosty root beer?

10:09. Apparently so--Ray Allen hits a 3-pointer for the Celtics. I'm frosting my mug.

10:14. Back to basketball. We have a game - both teams are attacking on each possession. God that sounds so kinky! Damn you, Cassell!

10:15. And Paul Pierce, my man-crush, delivers a 3 to bring the deficit to 3 points at the half. We have a game...