Hernandez Week 4 Picks

I tried to edit Keith's post to add HIS inner thoughts this week, but Blogger wouldn't let me. What the fuck? He already cheated in Week 2 by trying to take one of my accurate picks away from me, then he added one to his ledger that he got wrong, and on top of that now HE has the ability to edit my posts but I can't change his. Diebold could learn a thing or two from this shady mofo.

At least I have a built-in excuse for screwing up my picks this week, which I surely will. I figure I'm due to have a bad week. Shit, this already IS a bad week for the NFL, with a really uninspiring slate of games. But I'll give it a whirl anyway.

Jets (3.5) vs. Cardinals

I totally called last week's Jets game, btw. Here's what I wrote:

Manboobs will have the wrong gameplan as always, Favre will throw 3 INT's, D'Brickashaw Ferguson will get blowed up repeatedly, Tomlinson and Sproles will run all over their horrible defensive line, their new punter will tear his Achilles, and Laverneus Coles will cry some more about Chad Pennington being cut loose. GOD I love football!

Manboobs tried to run and gun with San Diego instead of trying to play a running/ball possession type game that would limit San Diego's chances on offense. He also called for a ridiculous onside kick in the second quarter that completely turned the game in San Diego's favor. Douche. Favre threw 2 INT's, and at least 2 others were dropped. Thomas Jones was stuffed and Favre was running for his life, so D'Brickashaw definitely got blowed up. The Chargers ran all over the Jets horrible D line once Kris Jenkins left the game with a fat injury... excuse me, back injury. Coles was invisible, and even though I never heard it, I'm pretty sure he cried into his pillow about Chad. And here's the funniest one - the new punter didn't even play because he pulled a muscle the day before the game. Ha! Sometimes this is too easy.

Pick: Cardinals

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Chiefs vs. Broncos (8.5)

If Denver was playing a team with an average offense I'd pick against them. But c'mon, this is the Chiefs we're talking about!

Pick: Broncos

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Bengals (3.5) vs. Browns

Cincy took my boys to the limit, so I've gots to give props.

Pick: Bengals

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Jaguars (7.5) vs. Texans

Jags saved their season last week, so this will either be a cakewalk or a trap game. Mmmmmm, cake.

Pick: Jaguars

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Saints (5.5) vs. 49ers

Shockey's out for 6 weeks with a hernia he probably got from fucking Plaxico Burress too hard. Is it a coincidence that after the Shockey injury was announced, Plax didn't show up at Giants Stadium for two days? Methinks not. Shockey seems like a top with jungle fever. And Plax has always struck me as a willing bottom with BDSM tendencies.

Pick: 49ers

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Panthers (6.5) vs. Falcons

Spread's too big without you.

Pick: Falcons

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Titans (2.5) vs. Vikings

Two of the tougher teams in the league. And by tough I don't mean tough to beat, because I don't see either one as a Super Bowl contender (especially the overrated Vikings), but tough as in physically punishing. Quien es mas macho?

Pick: Titans

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Buccaneers (1.5) vs. Packers

Pack will rebound from the Cowgirls debacle against the really not all that special Buccaneers who are always lauded by the national media because for some unknown reason John Gruden is thought of as godlike even though he won his only Super Bowl with Tony Dungy's players and he makes funny faces and he always abuses his quarterbacks and Bucs fans are insufferable and Tampa Bay is the worst hell hole on the fucking earth and I hate this team and these fans and this city and the people in it and I wish that they would all die.

Pick: Packers

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Rams vs. Bills (8.5)

People all over the world, join hands. Start a love train, love train.

Imma keep on riding this here Buffalo.

Pick: Bills

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Raiders vs. Chargers (7.5)

Chargers are going to go on a roll.

Pick: Chargers

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Cowboys (10.5) vs. Redskins

Another game where they can all go fuck themselves. But as hard as it is to admit, it won't be close.

Pick: Cowboys

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Bears vs. Eagles (5.5)

See above.

Pick: Eagles

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Monday Night - Steelers (4.5) vs. Ravens

Part of me wants the Ravens to continue what the Eagles began to expose last week, which is that the Steelers aren't an elite team. Another, more selfish part of me wants Baltimore to only be OK so there's no chance of NBC switching the Giants/Ravens game in Week 11 to prime time. Why do I not want that? Because Keith and I are going to that game, and I want it to be a 1pm start so I can spend even more time away from my family getting fucked up. Priorities people. Still...

Pick: Ravens

Happy football everbody!