Hernandez Week 2 Picks

While Keith sleeps one off following an early-morning Carlsberg breakfast (Breakfast of Champions anyone?) and braces for the scorn from his mother, I'll sneak in my NFL picks for the week.

I'm not sure yet if Week 1 was beginners luck, or if I really do know more about football than my compadre. Probably a little of both. But this week seems harder to pick than last week, so I ain't ready to talk smack just yet.

Rams vs. Giants (5.5)

Have I mentioned that I think the Giants will make it back to the Super Bowl this season? Oh, I have? Well get used to it, because I ain't backing off. Call me a homer if you'd like, but the fact is this is one of the youngest, most talented, best coached teams in the league. If people don't want to recognize it they're just biased and fucking blind. That said, St. Louis will play tough for a half this week before the superior team pulls away.

Pick: Giants

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Jets (2.5) vs. Patriots

Suddenly the Jets are favored over the Pats and are supposed to be the team to beat in the AFC East? Ha! Life is cruel, and Jets fans know it better than anyone. New England wins this one by two touchdowns.

Pick: Patriots

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Chiefs (3.5) vs. Raiders

JaMarcus jawon't get it jadone.

Pick: Chiefs

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Jaguars (5.5) vs. Bills

Bills will fight it out with New England for AFC East supremacy this year. I actually believed that even before Brady got hurt. I took them last week and I'm doing it again. Fuck point spreads - they'll probably win it outright.

Pick: Bills

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Panthers (2.5) vs. Bears

Really tough one to call, but I'll ride the Jake train for another week. Especially going up against Orton. Yeah, you got one last week Kyle, but you were playing the Colts, who are going to be mediocre this year. Bu-bye.

Pick: Panthers

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Lions vs. Packers (2.5)

It's times like this I wish I actually bet on games.

Pick: Packers

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Redskins (1.5) vs. Saints

Total hunch, but Washington is more physical and plays in a better division than New Orleans, and I think Portis will run all over the Saints. But thank Palin we don't have another fucking hurricane or a dead safety to worry about this week, so we don't have to pretend to feel sorry for either of these two loser franchises and their lowlife fans for a week.

Pick: Redskins

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Bengals vs. Titans (1.5)

Kerry Collins is the most underrated NYG quarterback of all time (even if that's not saying much), and he's definitely better than Mr. Suicide. With that D, Tennessee should roll over the Paper Tigers.

Pick: Titans

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Seahawks (8.5) vs. 49ers

Seattle is overrated every year because they play in a horrible division. Add in the injuries this year and we're looking at something like 6-10. This spread is WAY too high, and Keith is wrong - San Fran's not THAT bad.

Pick: 49ers

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Vikings vs. Colts (2.5)

As I said last week, I'm definitely not sold on the Vikes. As I said above, the Colts are mediocre. Whose cuisine will reign supreme?

Pick: Colts

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Cardinals (6.5) vs. Dolphins

I'll keep saying it: Pennington be damned (and I really can't stand that fuck), the Dolphins are going to be frisky this year. And really, should the Cards be favored over ANYONE by 6.5?

Pick: Dolphins

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Broncos (2.5) vs. Chargers

Chargers rebound against an average Broncos team that only looked good last week because they were playing Oakland. Another outright win for the underdog.

Pick: Chargers

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Buccaneers (7.5) vs. Falcons

Granted, Turner won't run for 550 yards again, but Tampa's got QB problems. They may eek out a win, but Brian Griese is so bad I'm not even willing to give him points this week against Atlanta's rookie QB.

Pick: Falcons

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Browns vs. Steelers (4.5)

Don't love Pittsburgh as much as everyone else, but I'll take them this week.

Pick: Steelers

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Texans (4.5) vs. Ravens

Ike! Ike! Flacco! Flacco!

Pick: Ravens

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Cowboys (6.5) vs. Eagles

I only WISH I had the time to unleash my hatred of both teams right now. Unfortunately, I don't. But it's so great that it deserves its own post, which I'm going to try to write after the MNF game. Until then, just pray that Ike reforms and destroys Texas Stadium with both teams in it Monday night. Yeah!

Pick: Eagles