Well, THAT went Well. Week 1 record: Keith: 6-10, Hernandez: 11-5. I don't care. It's just nice to have football back this weekend.
Highlights, for me.
The Giants needed one quarter to remember that their primary goal is to cause Giants fans to poop ulcers. They won, but Eli Manning needs to stop looking like he'd rather be eating ice cream and watching Charly.
The debut of Aaron Rodgers in Green Bay. Replacing Brett Favre, he had a solid game and didn't look nervous in front of the Green Bay fans, who without the Packers would spend all their money on Oxycontin.
Tom Brady getting hurt. This greatly increases the chances of a Gisele Bundchen-related sex tape. Chances of Bridget Moynihan walking in and getting involved are still pretty slim, however.
Titans' quarterback Vince Young freaking out. His team won, beat a better Jacksonville team, but he's already buckling under pressure. I'm telling you it sounds sadistic it but there's a reason people slow down on the highway to check out car fires and pile-ups. We're looking for grisly stuff, too. Well, except Matthew McConaughey - he thinks to himself, "Saaaay...are there any sexy daymes I can res-cue?"
Lowlights:
The Jets/Dolphins game. It was absolutely excruciatingly boring to watch. Favre did well, Pennington did fine in his Miami debut, but the game was so poorly played. As the Jets did everything they could to hand the game away in the second half, I'll admit it was priceless seeing Favre's facial expression, which read: 'Wait...what the fuck is going on? What have I signed up for?'
Time Warner Cable: Still doesn't offer an NFL package, so if you love watching football, and don't want to watch the Jets, you...can go to a bar. Then you have to deal with a bunch of financial services pricks and their waify superficial girlfriends. Maybe that's because I live in the East Village.
Anyway, we'll be posting more while I figure out how to lodge a space bar up Hernandez's ass so he can still write coherent posts while his thumb's up there.
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2 comments:
Dear Sucker,
I was totally gonna do the football recap, but you beat me to it. Nice! You saved me the work.
This should be a rule; each week's loser has to write the recap. If we tie, Conroy has to write it.
God, I hope we tie one week just to see what he would say about football.
Sincerely,
The Ghost of New England's Season
Upon reviewing the game film, you're right - Eli should've had more picks on Thursday. He's gotta play better than that. But the Giants are still one of the teams to beat, and the Brady injury just made their path towards repeating that much easier.
Green Bay looked pretty good, and so did Pittsburgh, who I'm still not sold on. Can't jump to too many conclusions after Week 1. For instance, the Eagles and Cowboys will have to play a real team before I can assess them properly. Thankfully they square off next Monday night. Schwing!
Buffalo - one of my sleeper favorites - looked awesome, and the final play of Carolina/San Diego was the single best moment of the weekend. Respect the Snake.
In gay quarterback news, fuck Brett Favre. Also, Vince Young REALLY needs to come out of the closet. Seriously. It's tearing him up inside. He'd probably be a better player if he just embraced his love of the cock.
Lastly, as much as I love to bash those Time Warner Cable assholes, you should be blaming the NFL for not offering a cable package. They're in bed with DirectTV and refuse to offer their games up to any cable providers. TWC would LOVE to offer the NFL package (and charge an arm and a tit for it), but the NFL refuses. So it looks like it's financial services pricks and waify superficial girlfriends for you until you get off your cheap ass and buy a dish.
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