Week 6 Picks - Keith

This is the week where I feel like I finally get a sense whether teams are good, bad, and which few are irritatingly inconsistent. I don't know how 60 guys averaging 250 pounds each could be inconsistent at anything. Is it possible the Denver Broncos have fragile psyches and are constantly changing from David Banner into the Incredible Hulk and back? Or is it just a matter of whether they get the coke to booze ratio right on Saturday nights?
Here are my picks:

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JETS (6.5) vs. Bengals

The Bengals have very little to live for. I mean, they're from Ohio.

Pick: Jets
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SAINTS (7.5) vs. Raiders

The Saints played in that classically entertaining Monday night game against the Vikings, and should've won, but made so many mistakes, the kind that make coaches red with rage and fans heading to Liquor, Guns & Ammo. They should beat up these Raiders.

Pick: Saints
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COLTS (5.5) vs. Ravens

If I had a bookie, I would bet most of my money against the Colts. They are an awful, awful team this year, going against the best defense in the NFL. Even if they scratch out a BS win like they have twice this year, they're not winning by more than a couple points. If the Colts cover this spread, I don't know anything, and will eat 1000 Pringles in 15 minutes.

Pick: Ravens
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BUCCANEERS (2.5) vs. Panthers

As long as the Rays are competing against the Red Sox, there just aren't enough fans in Tampa to field any kind of homefield advantage. Suckaneers.

Pick: Panthers
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VIKINGS (12.5) vs. Lions

The Vikings have scored 7 offensive touchdowns in 5 weeks, one on the 'dying fart' trick play from Monday night. I don't like their chances of running up the score against me, Hernandez and 9 oompa loompas, much less another NFL football team.

Pick: Lions
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Bears (2.5) vs. FALCONS

Two of the best rookies face off against each other. Running Back Matt Forte of the Bears goes against QB Matt Ryan of the Falcons. I hate everything about Atlanta. How's that for analysis? I'm just killing time at work anyway, so suck it.

Pick: Bears
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TEXANS (3.5) vs. Dolphins

Houston is 0-4 after their crotch-kick of a choke against Indianapolis last week. You just don't recover from a loss like that in a week. You run around in a daze for awhile. Ice cream tastes like grey. Sex is abrasive and unproductive. The blood runs from your heart and congeals on your rib cage while you sit in your basement reading Becket plays. Everything is called into question.

Pick: Dolphins
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REDSKINS (13.5) vs. Rams

Usually big spreads like this are pretty risky. A hot team like Washington can easily run up the score, but put in their scrubs in the second half and watch the other team put up meaningless points. But the Rams are truly awful, and haven't shown a spark of pulling themselves out of the dirt. I've tasted failure, St. Louis style, and it don't taste like BBQ.

Pick: Redskins
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BRONCOS (3.5) vs. Jaguars

I have no idea on this one. I still have that St. Louis failure taste in my mouth.

Pick: Jaguars
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Eagles (5.5) vs. 49ERS

After losing to the Redskins, the Eagles are going to take their frustation out on whoever shows up to face them. They're an excellent team, and currently sitting two games out of 2nd place with a 2-3 record. This is a must-win game for them. Blood will run in SF, and the kids in the front show should cover themselves with plastic like they're at Sea World or Gallagher.

Pick: Eagles
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Cowboys (5.5) vs. CARDINALS

For some reason, I have a gut feeling that the Cardinals are going to crush the Cowboys. Maybe it's just gas -- I did eat a pork 'n' bean brownie just now -- but I trust my digestive system. It's gotten me this far.

Pick: Cardinals
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SEAHAWKS (2.5) vs. Packers

I'm holding on to the hope that the Seahawks always play better at home, and the Packers great season last year was a fluke. As I mentioned up top, I'll know after this week whether either of these teams has promise.

Pick: Seahawks
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CHARGERS (6.5) vs. Patriots

The Chargers really need to show up for this one, or I'm lighting San Diego on fire again.

Pick: Chargers
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And Monday night, Giants (7.5) vs. BROWNS

Pick: Giants. Not from Ohio.